From Trauma to Triumph: The Power of Self Advocacy in Birth & Postpartum Planning (EP 6)

Empowering Postpartum with Jessi Sletten is an inspiring show for expecting and newly postpartum parents looking to feel prepared, supported, and empowered for their transition into parenthood – without losing themselves to it. Education, inspiration, and support for everything you need to know for your fourth trimester! Watch Live every Thursday 10am MST (Zingo TV Channel 250 & 251)

Special Guest: Lauren Haxby, L&D RN, Mama of 2
Connect with Lauren on Instagram: ⁠⁠

In this episode, Host Jessi Sletten interviews Lauren Haxby, a labor and delivery nurse and mother of two. After a difficult first birth and postpartum period, Lauren worked with Jessi to create a plan to feel more supported postpartum the second time.

Key elements included focusing on her own nutrition, building her community of support, taking time to rest and recover, and finding empowering self-care activities. Lauren says working with Jessi ahead of time was instrumental in having a better postpartum experience. She emphasizes the importance of being informed and prepared, advocating for yourself, having the right support and finding things that make you feel empowered as a new parent.

If you are ready to feel as prepared and empowered for your postpartum journey as Lauren, then Empowering Postpartum Coaching is exactly what you are looking for. Learn more and get started here

Episode Transcript

Hello, this is Jessi Sletten, from empowering, postpartum. And welcome to the Spanglish world networks on ZingoTV channels 250, and 251. Please remember to download both ZingoTV app on the respective app stores on iOS and Android devices. And while you download make sure to rate and leave a comment, the app is totally free. And single TV is also available on Google Chromecast, Amazon Fire and fire sticks, Roku and Roku sticks and also on all smart TVs. 2016 and forward. Hello again, everybody. I’m so excited to be here again, I am Jessi Sletten and I am your postpartum empowerment coach, helping you feel confident prepared and holistically supported for your unique journey into parenthood. And I am so stoked to have a very special guest today. I have Lauren Haxby here with me. And she is just not only a wonderful human being, but she is also a labor and delivery nurse and a mama of two. And we also have a little special guest her little baby Bob is with us today, too. So Lauren, welcome. Welcome, welcome. I’m so excited to have you here. And we’re going to be talking about some really cool stuff today. But before we dive into it, I’d love for you to just introduce yourself and say hello. 1:42 Yeah, definitely. Thank you so much for having me. I’m here. My name is Lauren haxby. Like Jessi said, I’m a labor and delivery nurse and I have been for about six years. And I just recently made the transition to two small children. My oldest is going to be four in May. And then this little one is three months old. Yay. Yes.

I’m just so happy to have you here. And your experience is just such a unique one, because you came from kind of this realm of labor and delivery, right. And so I love hearing your story and your perspective on how even with all of that knowledge, motherhood was still a little bit of a shock of everything that happens and just something that even somebody like you with the skill sets that you have and the knowledge, it’s still we’re taking you by surprise in some ways. So we have worked together. Before we were on a podcast a while back. And Lauren and I did a coaching session where we helped prepare you for your second postpartum experience. And during that podcast, you shared your story and your truth about your first birth and your first postpartum experience and how you really entered into motherhood. So I’d love if you feel comfortable to share kind of about that journey. And talk about the second one and how we worked together. Yeah, this is this is life with a baby this is it.

First year, my first delivery was very medical. I was in a hospital I was induced I had an epidural, I had all the drugs ended up day two postpartum septic with endometriosis. So that was cool. Um, probably an undiagnosed tongue tie for maids. And then just kind of the recovery postpartum. Even very interesting, because I feel like especially first time moms, you go into it being like, oh, labor and delivery. Like it’s, you know, it’s it’s the thing like, this is what prep for this is what I’m getting my Doula or this is what I’m watching TikTok on and all that. And it’s like, yes, labor and delivery is super important. And I do feel like that experience shapes how your postpartum is gonna go. As long as you know, if you feel supported and empowered in your labor, then I really do you feel like that translates into postpartum. But we don’t really plan for postpartum especially when you’re first you’re just like, okay, like, I have this big, wonderful event, which is labor and delivery. It’s, you know, kind of akin to like getting married, like, planning in this prepping for your wedding day and then you’re married and you’re like, oh,

how do we marriage how do we like move forward? Yeah.

That you know, right. Yeah. I’m very similarly in that aspect as far as like labor and delivery and postpartum goes. So in my second trimester, we had gotten together and kind of chatted about, like, what my plan was postpartum, what my goals were going to be, and just kind of like, having a setup, and I feel like that so many times, especially like, in my late third trimester, and then very newborn, I’d be like, I’m doing what Jessi said.

5:29 We got to get a t-shirt. What would Jessi do? What would Jessi say?

Have you WWJD? It works. It’s perfect. No, it was awesome. Because I would like, I think I did postpartum this time, so much different than I did postpartum with may have granted. Second kid, you kind of know what what you’re doing and that things will definitely eventually get better. Right? It’s not 2020 it’s not when the world shutdown. So that’s, yes, that 5:59 was a big aspect for your first birth.

Yeah, I really do feel like having that planning for me. Um, some things that, you know, I really brought into me into my postpartum experience from our coaching session was like, nutrition, what am I going to eat? That’s because last time I was just like, I’m just going to eat whatever. There are, you know, not necessarily like, all foods or all foods are nourishing, that are more nourishing, especially like, the language around that having small children. You know, like, Mommy doesn’t want you know, special treat. I was just like, let’s eat foods that give mommy lots of fuel. Like Watson, bone broth, and yep, kind of stuff was awesome. And then especially, I feel like your second one, at least in my experience, I was really nervous about Yeah, my first would react, right? Your guidance on how to like, sit down with your first and even if it’s, you know, I was like two days postpartum. And I was like, let’s sit down and play Barbies for 10 minutes, like, one time, bury together. You know, I think that really, really helped kind of not cultivate like this feeling of animosity towards Yes, sir. Obviously, still a little bit there. But yeah, of course, definitely, like better than it was. Yeah, then I guess. I tried my darndest to do five days in bed five days on the best card. With my purse, oh, my God, I wish that I would have known about that. Because you can do that when you have your first, right. For the most part, you know, like, that would have been, I think so beneficial in my recovery. I think a lot of times to first time moms, they’ll be like, my friend just delivered, like a month before me. And it’s her first baby. And she’s like, I’m out on a walk. And I was like hunger is literally the only time in your life that you have to like, take a reset. Give your body the rest it needs. Yes. So I did as much of that as I could, which was super duper helpful. And then the honestly, I think the biggest thing was having that time for me, and having a plan in place for what I was going to do for myself. Which right now it’s reading, I’m into, you know, just hopping in bed at night, reading as much as I can, you know, I’m obviously not trying to stay up for like, a few hours, but just like a chapter makes me like, that’s my, that’s what I’m doing for me. And that’s been, like instrumental in helping me feel not like a vessel that carried my child. Like, as an individual human. Had another human if that.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, absolutely. This is making me so happy. Like everything we talked about. I’m just so glad that it was these actionable steps that were you were able to implement, they didn’t feel overwhelming. You made these pivots and changes like, okay, the 555, which, you know, for those that don’t know, it’s five days, you know, on the bed five are in the bed, on or near the bed and then like around the bed. So we really want you to just be basically focusing on that rest doesn’t have to be strict and like, regimented. No, but the whole. The whole concept is we’re prioritizing rest. we’re prioritizing recovery. We don’t need to get up and be doing the laundry on day two postpartum, right, like, let’s figure out how we can really utilize this time for what it is meant to be, which is this recovery, this bonding time, and then this reconnection to ourselves which that mean time is so crucial. And I feel like where sometimes we get tripped up is we’re like, oh, you know, my me time, okay, I need to do all these things. And they’re like big. Yeah, they’re big things. No, no, in the beginning it can be, I’m going to take the time to shower. Today, I’m putting on new clothes, like, you know, these things that are those like a lower level, having our basic needs met is still self care. And I feel like a lot of times, people are like, well, that’s just something that has to get done well, that’s still caring for ourselves. And if we’re not able to meet this lower level, base, you know, caring for ourselves and nurturing ourselves, and making sure we’re getting the sleep that we can get when we can get it, you know, drinking enough water, all these things. Forget about all the other sterile self care activities that are like higher, aspirational, right. So I love that that was something that you were able to do as much as you could, but really focusing in on that nutrition and all the things that we had discussed, when it comes to fueling yourself from the inside out, is so big, it’s so key. And I’d love to just kind of talk a little bit about the birthing experience, because I loved what you said at the beginning where, you know, it’s so true how we birth really does shape, not only that postpartum period, that immediate, immediate time of the fourth trimester, but really how we like build the foundation of our parenthood, right, and how we connect with our children and, and all these things. And so that was something that I’d love for you to kind of chat about your two experiences. were, you know, the first one, even though with all your knowledge and experience as a labor and delivery nurse, you know, you still kind of felt like you were not in control of your own birthing experience, and felt medicalized and all these things. Whereas, you know, your second birth, you kind of made some changes, right, and you decided what you wanted out of that birthing experience. So if you don’t mind sharing about that a little bit, I’d love to, you know, just talk about how they were so different, and how you think it shaped your postpartum.

Oh, totally. So my first I was induced, I had a big D cell, like my baby’s heart rate dropped in the office. And at the time, I was just like, you know, no, I’m not gonna mess with this. Newer nurse, and I grew up in the hospital. So I was like, I trust the hospital system, right? Like, I trust our medical system. And so I got medications to be induced, and of course, then was like dying and then requested an epidural. Sleep. I think I was just so I was having a lot of anxiety. Even though I knew exactly what was going on. So I even imagine the women who do not know what is going on, and being in labor and like having, it feels like no control, because you really don’t, you’re told we’re doing this, we’re doing this, we’re doing this. And there’s not enough informed consent, and labor and delivery, like there just is not so tragic. And it’s very, it’s like maddening. It’s enraging.

Yeah. That’s a whole nother week. Go on and on. But yeah, I feel like, you know, I just trusted the trust of the docs and was like, Okay, this is just what we’re going to do. And then obviously, ended up very sick was part of which obviously, like, set me up, I think, for failure. Just emotionally physically, all things. And so that was just kind of a like, not like a near death experience. I mean, there was a time when my blood pressure was so low, they were like, Are you sure that’s right, um, but enough so that it was very triggering, and I had a lot of unresolved trauma, that then thankfully, I was able to find a postpartum therapist to like work through that with this birth was my redemption birth. I’m seeing midwives at a birth center, which I highly, I cannot say enough good things about if you are a low risk patient who really wants quality care and for informed consent and people to listen to you. Midwives are are where it’s at. That’s phenomenal. Um, and so I had my I was actually at a staff meeting for the birth center. And I was kind of like, No, I’m not an early labor I’d been contracting on and off. I was 38. I’d been just contracting away but I didn’t think anything of it. I didn’t think my cervix was changing. And it was funny because everyone in the room like one of the midwives like so. We all know that you’re in early labor. So whenever you want to acknowledge it just like let us know Oh, that’s awesome. Maybe I am and so, my midwife bow check me and she checked me and then I was like, okay, you know, I was like two or something like not nothing crazy, but it doesn’t necessarily mean anything. Um, and then my water broke. And I was like, oh, oh, well, there we go. And then nothing really happened. I tried, you know, just kind of stimulating labor nipple system. All the things ended up taking castor oil. Okay, it didn’t taste as terrible as I thought it was. Essentially, from the time that the castor oil picked in to delivery was like an hour and a half.

Oh, wow. Wow. Fast, fast. Yeah. And that’s, that’s actually what my experience was too with my second. I was like, I barely made it out of the elevator. 16:10 All right, we’re here. Let’s party. So yeah, it was wonderful. I had a doula. Obviously, my midwives and because I work at the birth center, as well as the hospital. But because I work at the birth center, it was pretty much everybody was there. So I’d like unbounding support, which was amazing. Yes. My acupuncturist came at one point to try, like get get me to stimulate into Leah. It was just like such a community event. And I, I really felt like the support, which was phenomenal, and is what carried me through being able to have an unmedicated birth. Or okay. Are you sad? Are we talking about your birth? 17:01 This is personal.

stay there forever. So yeah, and then, at a birth center, as long as everything is uncomplicated. You go home at four to six hours after delivery. Game changer because I was able to recover in my own bed. Yes. With the comforts of home, you know, yeah, having big says meet her right away, you know, that was instrumental to us having a good postpartum experience. And then yeah, that the postpartum care is what it should be. So I’m on her phone call. I had a two day visit for me and Bryn, I had an eight to 10 day visit for me and Bryn, I had a four week phone call. And I had a six week visit. At any point I needed at any point, so I’ll have like one point I like texted them and was like, hey, blah, blah, blah, okay, if I, you know, is this cool are like, Hey, I have this weird thing like is this, you know, and they’re like, Absolutely, we can get you in, like I wasn’t brushed off. My concerns were validated. Yes, it was just, I felt so supported, obvious, like, having that background that I do. I guess, you just assume that you’re going to be like good. Nothing can like prepare you for no postpartum. And that’s I think when honestly, we need the most support. Yes, labor 100%. Like I said, I feel like it really does shake their hand in hand. Postpartum though is like, that’s the long haul when you need people to be checking in on you. But like the man, having a newborn has worn off and kind of checking in and then feels stopped coming and all that and you’re just kind of especially as a first time mom, and you’re just like, wait, what do I do now? Right? And so that’s when setting those like goals and visions for yourself. I feel like it’s just so so so important, not only for for your mental health, but for like, you and your babies bond. Yes, 19:16 it creates that room for that right? Whereas if we are so drained or so overwhelmed emotionally, we have no outlet for us to speak our story or to get our concerns or worries validated or, you know, any of these things like of course, there’s going to be this kind of block for us to really have that connection with our baby. And I you know, I had this really interesting thing that I was talking to somebody about and I just posted on my story stay on Instagram, but you know, somebody said like what it was I asked like, what’s your dream of when you were like, preparing to be a parent like, what’s that? What was that vision? What did you You expect what was this thing that okay, now I’m a parent, like, how does this work? Right? And one of the answers was, you know, how she expected everything to be intuitive. And to just click right away, right. And that is one of those really, I think, detrimental things that we, as a society kind of just assume, right? And it’s like, oh, you know, something that’s just going to click within you that you’ve carried with you your whole life, and you’re going to exactly know what to do, right? And then that’s not the case at all, for the vast majority of us, yes, there’s things that we can trust our instincts on. But you know, at the end of the day, mothering and parenting is a learned skill, skill, hundreds, a learned skill. And I think and same with breastfeeding or whatever, you know, all these things in parenthood. And so I loved what you said about having this community, right, because that is so true. And that’s what we don’t have automatically set up in our culture, right. Whereas in other cultures, you know, postpartum is revered as a sacred time that it should be. And there’s a whole community of people that surround the birth giver and the baby. And it’s, it’s a sacred time. Here, we don’t have that. And so I loved what you said about you built your own village, like kind of, like we talked about in our, in our postpartum planning, it was like you had that your acupuncturist had to do. You had all these things that you put into place for the birth room. But then you also had the support and postpartum from your birth team, but also, you know, some other areas. And I know when we talked about on the podcast, you know, we talked a little bit about who your go to people were going to be right, and your familial circle, or your your friends and all those things. Do you feel like that was also like a big part of that postpartum experience for you having that support there?

Yeah, I mean, so you know, my mom and I, and after we have had, you know, our talk, I was like, Hey, mom, like, here’s the sitch, like, Yeah, well, that I’m gonna really be leaning on you, because you all, you know, already watched my older kid. But Michael has to go back to work after me because there’s no maternity leave in the United States. Right? Also no guaranteed maternity leave. So yeah. And so I was like, Hey, mom, like we’re gonna, you know, I’m definitely going to be leaning on you at this time. Because she would come over and just take care of me. And that I’m just Bryn Mawr there was like a few times where she would have just Bryn and I would take him awesome mom, daughter time. Another huge, amazing person is my friend Natalie, who is also an ibclc. Bryn had a few. Well, a few she had a lip a tongue and to cheek ties. Oh, lordy. was already kind of a struggle in the beginning, which was Yeah, I had the same issues with Maeve. So you know, it’s, that’s something that’s very, very important to me is that I try and breastfeed as long as I possibly can.

23:28 Um, so yeah, I had her. She I mean, she came over and did some in home consultations for me. Yes. And I was able to be like, hey. And then another huge thing, which we had kind of talked about was being around other moms with little babies who know what you’re going through. There’s a feeding group at my birth center. Every Friday at seasons at 10am. On by my friend who’s the ibclc. And usually another ibclc is there as well. Yeah. And so you can just go and like, be like, Yeah, this sucks. Like, we’re triple feeding. And there’s, there’s solidarity and there’s understanding, and it’s just a very safe place for you to be like, This is what we’re going through. And so that was super duper helpful to be in the same situation as somebody else and to have other people validating, you know, my feelings and being like, we don’t, you know, we have maybe like this little piece of advice for you, but like solidarity says, yeah, thank you. All right. Yeah,

24:31 I just needed to hear that. 24:36 Be away from the house for an hour and a half and be around other moms with littles and get help on your breastfeeding or you know, whatever. The you know, however, you’re feeding your kid. And so yeah, that was huge to have that. I just feel like overall, I have had so much more support this go around, and I feel like I also Though I no more now, and I am not afraid to advocate for myself. Like, for example, my pediatrician was like, oh, after she got her tongue tie revisions, she was like, she’s losing weight, we should really fortify her breast milk with formula. And I was like, over my dead body. Not like formula is the devil, but just in writing, I really prefer to not use it. I just don’t want her to have any more issues. And she’s already having. Right. And so I was just like, No, thanks. But no, you know, like, I have that hesitation to advocate for myself. And no, and that’s where the intuition piece comes in. Get that is a learned skill that I learned for myself and my children and do what’s best for them. Yep, through evidence based research, and you know, my personal preference to each their own, I support you no matter what you do. But that was my preference. And so me being able to say, Yeah, I’m not going to do that, like, Thank you, you can write in my chart patient refused. That’s fine. Because it’s still your choice, right? Like, medical professionals can suggest things to us. But at the end of the day, it’s still our bodies, our children our choice, right. And so I think that was also huge for me to be like, now I’m going to literally kill myself triple feeding. Crease my supply. Our thriving like, she’s, you know, she’s still little, but she’s on her own growth curve. And it’s just having that support and people to go to to be like, Hey, did I make the right decision, you know, then you start to guess yourself, and then people are like, yes, 100%, your right way to trust your intuition. And then like, people to help you celebrate those little wins, right? Like, Hey, she’s over 10 pounds now. And you know, all of that. Yeah,

27:03 yeah, that self advocacy piece was definitely a learned skill for me as well, because I just as a recovering people pleaser, it’s very hard for when there’s this dynamic of power. That’s a little off based, right, when we’re speaking with the medical community, you know, and it’s like, they’re the professional, I should listen to them. And while yes, they are trained, you know, in certain areas, and they are experts, and we should at least, you know, take that in as something to consider, right. But you felt empowered, because you had the support of having your, you know, lactation, support person, right. And so you could work with her on a plan and have that support, where you are monitoring, her weight gain and all these things, it’s not much like, you know, you’re making this choice, because you’ve already decided nor formula like you were still weighing, you know, all of the options that were put out in front of you. But I think that’s the key, right, there is like feeling empowered enough to say thank you for your advice, I’ll take it under advisement, I’m going to work with my lactation, professional to figure out if this is something feasible, that we can work out. And then on the other side of it, too, like if, if triple feeding is really like weighing you down, or it’s causing problems with your own self care and nourishment or any of those things, and it’s just not working for you, then that’s okay, too. But you know, we have to monitor our own bodies, our own feelings and how things are going for us, and then make those decisions that are informed like you talked about informed consent, informed decision making is such a crucial thing. And it is a right that we all have, but it is one that is not supported sometimes. And so having that practice skill of self advocacy is so crucial. And then having that support around you to help say, Yes, you know, like, we’re here, we’re validating we are on your side, because we want what’s best for you, and not just focused on the baby all the time, right? Because I talked about this all the time, like the minute birth happens. And babies here, we see this shift immediately, where all eyes are on baby, right? And the birth giver kind of goes to the background, we check on you, you know, we make sure that your Bibles are good and all those things. But you know, as far as like, are you thriving? Are you you know, transitioning into this role? Okay, none of that’s there, right? None of that is there. And so building our own village, with that in mind with that intention in mind of I want those people who are there for me, right, and of course, the baby Of course, of course. But that’s kind of natural. That happens more naturally for the baby. It doesn’t happen for me as the birth giver. And so really Uh, you know, being intentional about curating your village and having these people who are both professional, and you know, your, your cheer squad, right, who are there to help you and who can connect with you and really feel like they’re there for you is so important. So I just love that you, you know, as we talked about finding, you know, these groups to get into you found the one that really resonated with you. And it was where you needed it the most to for your support or on your feeding journey. So I just love that. And I’m so happy that you had that for yourself. Something else that kind of rang with me when you were talking was really just about the prep ahead of time, right? And like preparing your support team. So I loved how you know, your mom was your your person, right? And it was like, Okay, so here’s what I’m going to need from you, I’m going to be leaning on you for XYZ, having this plan ahead of time, so that you aren’t wondering who to call when things are tough, right? And they’re already kind of waiting for that call, they understand how they can help you. Because a lot of times we have people who are supports, but they don’t know how to help you the right way that you need it. Right. And so that can be really hard.

31:18 Exactly, exactly. Yes. Some of the clients that I work with, I even have like a, how can I help? How can you help list and I’m like, if you don’t even want to talk about it verbally, you could just put it up on the fridge and be like, Hey, I have a bunch of stuff that I need to get done. Would you mind helping me with that? And then it’s already out there? People want to be helpful. They really do. They want to be helpful. Most people, and if they have a problem with not being there just to hold the baby and get to pictures on Instagram, like look at me with this cute baby, then, okay, bye. Like, yeah, get out of here. But yeah, I really think that that is super important is finding and identifying those people and making sure you’re on the same page, setting those boundaries ahead of time. And really understanding what you need to protect your space and protect your well being is so so important. So I really loved that

32:12 you don’t know, you know, because I feel like that’s a lot of the that. That is parenting? Just children in general is like you don’t know what you don’t know. Right? Like, you’re just like, I look, I think the other thing that is so crucial, and that has really helped me in this transition is having people that when I’m not sure, they’re like, here’s how you can advocate for yourself. So I 100% suggest when you’re searching for your first your birth team, right, because that’s who’s going to shape the beginning of your journey, is have people who not only are knowledgeable and like skills and practice, but also who know how to attend to all of your emotional needs. Yes. And being able to say, you know, like, if you text them and you’re like, I’m not feeling great, and they’re like, Okay, let’s dive a little bit further into that, whether that’s, you know, an OBGYN, whether that’s a midwife, whether that’s your postpartum doula or your birth doula, just finding somebody that you trust to know how to help you. Because there’s some times when you don’t even know what’s wrong, or what you need, or if it’s something weird. And it’s crucial to have that like formative relationship, to be able to say, hey, this might not it might be nothing, but I’m also just like, you know, what is this? To have somebody be like, Oh, no, that’s not normal. Or, like, here’s how, let’s look at the pros and cons or, you know, let’s research and things like that. So,

33:51 oh, my god, I love that so much. Because it’s so true. Like when you’re in the trenches, and you’re in the depths of the overwhelm, or the whatever medical stuff is going on, or whatever might be going on. You don’t have, you know, the functioning frontal lobe isn’t on, right. Like, it’s just like, I’m all either emotion or I’m just about the survival thing, right? And so, you need somebody to be that advocate for you, when you can’t advocate for yourself. And I think that’s so important, especially when we’re talking about mental health, right? Because those of us who have gone through, you know, any sort of pee mat diagnosis or struggled with something like that, even if it was undiagnosed, you aren’t in a place where you can sometimes say, Oh, I think I need to set up a therapy appointment, right? Like, that’s just not something that can happen easily. So you need those people looking out for you, right and having those connections. And I feel like that’s one of the things that I always advocate for when I’m working with clients is like, know what your benefits are for your behavioral health stuff right and then identify P People who are in network who are like you said, professionals or their focus is on perinatal mental health, right, they have been trained in that specifically. So that is one something that you know, I always recommend people doing is check your insurance ahead of time find people who are within your network that you click with, in case you need them, right. And so it’s like that research is done already for you. And it’s ready to go and you have their contact information, all these things, right. And then, you know, as well as this is one of the things that I love about having, you know, support in the fourth trimester with my coaching that I do is that, that is something that I know people need, and they need that resource to come and say, like, Hey, I’m feeling like this, or you know, and then that’s that bouncing back and forth for problem solving and figuring out, where do we need to go? How can I connect to somebody for you, right, and being that bridge, when you can’t do it yourself, or you just are so tired or exhausted and you don’t know what to do. So I couldn’t agree more that having that birth team, but also postpartum team set up and having that person that you can go to who you know, is a safe space. And we’ll hold what what you need them to hold while also helping you find solutions. Because sometimes you do need solutions. Sometimes you just need to be heard and make sure that you know you’re feeling validated. But having somebody who can advocate on behalf of you as well as so, so important. Yeah, totally. Yeah, it’s really big. Well, I wanted to also kind of dive in a little bit about, you know, what you were kind of experiencing when it came to just kind of adjusting right to this life of having to and what you took from knowing from your first experience and apply that for your second? How that really helped you. And then what you would tell first time moms from knowing, like being on both sides now like having two experiences, like what do you think was the most important thing for them to really do to prepare so that they didn’t have to go through like an experience that you had with that first one?

37:19 So I mean, I think first of all, I think it’s finding your person, like people or persons. And I think it’s also instrumental having someone who’s been through the experience, as you don’t feel judged. And it’s just, I mean, I feel so bad sometimes when I think about like things I’ve said to people before I had children. Oh, my gosh. And then like, it just, it’s just different. Right? Like you have kids and you’re like, Oh, right. Oh,

37:53 I was so funny and naive, wasn’t I, 37:57 I got humbled real quick. I think it’s really like having those people, I think it’s being as informed as you can. And just like, you know, prepping for labor, if you’re listening to labor podcasts, or birth stories, or reading, you know, Hypno babies, or whatever your jam is, I think it’s also super important, if not more important to read, to study, to research to prep for postpartum,

38:30 Because it’s only, you know, again, it’s like this grand moment of labor and you do all these things, you have a baby, but then it’s how you change entirely as a person. Yes. And not only navigating how to now care for this tiny human that cannot express their needs, that you’re just like, yes, so unknown, but also, how to be gentle to yourself and give yourself that grace, knowing that you are now a completely changed person, and how to kind of navigate. I mean, it’s, you know, it’s like a rebirth of two people. Yes, the liver, you, you have this tiny little human that you love so much. And you, you know, they’re your everything. And I think a lot of times, how we transform as parents gets pushed to the back, because we’re so enamored with our kids, which is how it should be right. But it’s, like, I think we need to open up a little bit of space for how we, how we handle our changing cells and how it’s okay. You know, it’s okay that we’re not going out partying, and it’s okay to mourn the life that you had before kids. So that’s, these are are normal feelings? Yes. And having people who validate that right? Who you can be like, I am struggling this, you know, or like four months sleep regression, like even just to be like FML to somebody, you know? And then I feel Yes, this part really sucks, I promise it gets better, you know, like the smiles are worth it, you know, just to be like, or have you heard of this super great app, this makes you feel like not as shitty of a parent, because you’re like, Oh, they’re just going through a leap right now. It’s not me. It really, it will stabilize, you know, just kind of having those people and then if you don’t know the answer to something, or you don’t know, like, what to do about something, knowing where to look or who to turn to?

40:50 Yes, I feel there’s a lot of BS out there too. And we get trapped in those rabbit holes of Google.

40:58 Just like screenshot the Google first month postpartum, like, like, Baby color normal question mark. Like this question. Like, you know. But yeah, I mean, I feel like, also my first I don’t think that I, I didn’t recognize the signs of postpartum depression. I was so much in the thick of it. And I just was like, Okay, this is my new normal. I just feel empty inside. And I feel like I can’t bond with my baby. And all these things. You know, not knowing that that was postpartum depression. All locked game changer for this isn’t bad at all. Like, it sucks. It’s still like it and you’re, you’re in the trenches. But you’re like, this is semi manageable, you know, right. Yeah. I think, again, having people who you can be like, Is it normal that I don’t want to get out of bed? Right? Is it normal that I don’t feel bonded to my baby and having people that can be like, Yeah, you know, that’s, that can be a very normal thing. But also like, let’s maybe like you said, you know, finding out who’s in network ahead of time, even establishing some sort of routine in your later trimesters, just to be like, yes, the knows me, this person knows my history. They know my stressors, whether if the if that’s therapy, go you if that’s sure 100% If that’s you exercising? Yes. Like, whatever it takes to you know, make yourself feel better. Right? Yes. Just having those things. And again, second time around, knowing that I’m like, Okay, we’re gonna watch extra close for that postpartum depression. Yes, we know that we’re prone to it. But yeah, this time, I’m just like, Oh, I’m actually enjoying this. Like, I’m like, oh, yeah, I didn’t remember when may 1 smiled, because I was so like, my appetite was just entirely, you know, and like, I was just going through the motions, and I was like, okay, my baby abscess to do tummy time for this long. And now I’m like, oh, let’s do tummy time with sister. You know, it’s so different this time around again, because I feel like I prepped and I planned for it. And I was like, and I set intentions, right? I said, I’m going to do, I’m going to read I’m going to try and read you know, however many books this year, whatever. And I’m gonna, like I’m a crazy person, but I signed up to run a relay for the Colfax marathon. Like oh go you like setting intentions and saying like, this is how I am going to respect myself and this is how I’m going to empower myself to be able to have the best postpartum experience that I can you know, yeah,

44:14 absolutely. Yes. Figuring out that soul soul care right that’s different for everyone but that helps you feel connected to who you are as a person outside of Lauren mom, right? Who What does what fuels Lauren what helps you feel like you know, reset and connected and calm and cared for and nurtured right and that’s, I love what you said about kind of establishing those routines in your later pregnancy because then it becomes second nature right? Do they need to be adjusted after baby comes? Yes, but there’s still prioritize and your brain is still made those neural connections of okay, I know that this is a good coping skill that I’ve developed for myself, and it’s something that helps me So it makes prioritizing those so much easier because your brains like I like how I feel, when I do those reading pages, you know, at night or whatever, can I read the whole book in a week, not anymore, but I can at least get in a chapter at night, right. And really like, knowing what that is for yourself ahead of time is so, so important. You have, like so many gems and that like, last thing that you said, but I just really love how, you know, we talk about, in this episode, how we’re talking about really understanding that shift in our own selves, right. And understanding that that will be something that we are also experiencing, and postpartum is this shift in identity and how we are growing as a person as well as growing as a parent, right, and the things that are changing and shifting, and taking the time to hold space for mourning, the losses that you are sad about from your pre pregnancy life and who you are right, like with each season, I feel like a new version of ourselves emerges. And we can celebrate those changes, and also not feel shame around if we are grieving over some of those losses, too, right. So I really loved how you said that, because I think it’s so important that, you know, there is what the birth of the baby is, there’s also also the birth of a mother. And you know, that mother didn’t exist before unless even even with a second time around that version of that mother, or that birth giver didn’t exist before. And so giving ourselves that grace, like you said to, like become an and become right. And it’s this constant state of transformation. And really putting an intention around allowing that time for that instead of just being completely consumed by this new role. Because that happens for so many of us. And I know that was my experience and your experience, we’re just so consumed by caring for baby and all the things that, you know, we experience as new parents, that we let ourselves just slip away. And that’s not what we want. It’s our postpartum experience to. So thank you so much, Lauren, this has been incredible. I have had so much fun with both of our our talks that we’ve had here. I just want to really quick, you know, say that if you are looking for a comprehensive postpartum plan, with the guidance and the support, once baby arrives, I really encourage you to check out my empowering postpartum coaching program on my website, on the work with me page, and I would be honored to help you as well, just like I did with Lauren. And just as a quick reminder, this show can also be heard on the Spanglish Radio Network, please check out the Spanglish website for all the news and programming. Spanglish world. Watch it, hear it, read it, download it, and live it. And Lauren, before we sign off, I just want to say thank you again for your time and for sharing your story. And is there a one last minute thing that you would say to a new mom?

48:12 you got this.

48:15 Yes, and we’re all here solidarity, right? It’s very much reach out to and, you know, if you know of anybody who is pregnant or expecting and doesn’t know where to start, feel free to DM me like yes, we are. We’re a community. We’re here for you. We want you to have the best possible experience ever. And you know, we we support you and we love and honor you.

48:40 Yes, absolutely. That’s beautiful. And I’ll say the same, you know, my DMs are always open. Catch me on Instagram at at empowering underscore postpartum. Lauren has her handle up here too. If you guys want to connect with her.